I will be away on vacation starting Saturday, September 5, and returning on Monday, September 14.

In the past, I’ve provided completely accurate, if somewhat vague, details of my vacation plans, but these are serious times that demand serious accounts, so here is our itinerary: We will be vanishing.

That’s right. On Saturday morning, my wife and I will disappear as if into thin air, returning to the state of nothingness that existed before time, and will reemerge a little more than a week later, rested, whole, and 15 years younger. We won’t have any photographs to share, having ceased to exist, but expect that you will retain some recollection that we once graced your lives, much like a faraway dream you once had. (Disclaimer: Reversal of aging is not guaranteed, but you are welcome to flatter us.)

One guy that will keep on keeping on for the duration is Ed Covelli who will stand by in his mostly corporeal state to assist you if the need should arise. As always, he can be reached via e-mail or at 212/201-1465.

[Written by Kem Tekinay]