Ed Covelli will be leaving tomorrow to set out on a worldwide cruise aboard a boat of his own construct, made of tongue depressors, model glue and shellac, using novelty, oversized tablespoons for paddles and a slightly torn Greatest American Hero t-shirt as a sail. Because of the prevalent headwinds throughout the planned course, his journey is expected to take 3 years, but due to the miracle of stop-motion photography and his expected-to-be-rapidly-consumed stock of Red Bull and Turkish coffee, he will be back to work on the morning of Tuesday, July 6.

While Eddie is on the high-seas, I stand by to assist in whatever capacity I am able. You can reach me at the office number of 212/201-1465, send an e-mail, or an IM to “ktekinay”.

I will be away on vacation starting Saturday, September 5, and returning on Monday, September 14.

In the past, I’ve provided completely accurate, if somewhat vague, details of my vacation plans, but these are serious times that demand serious accounts, so here is our itinerary: We will be vanishing.

That’s right. On Saturday morning, my wife and I will disappear as if into thin air, returning to the state of nothingness that existed before time, and will reemerge a little more than a week later, rested, whole, and 15 years younger. We won’t have any photographs to share, having ceased to exist, but expect that you will retain some recollection that we once graced your lives, much like a faraway dream you once had. (Disclaimer: Reversal of aging is not guaranteed, but you are welcome to flatter us.)

One guy that will keep on keeping on for the duration is Ed Covelli who will stand by in his mostly corporeal state to assist you if the need should arise. As always, he can be reached via e-mail or at 212/201-1465.

When I first started MacTechnologies, there were limited options for staying in touch. Back in the day, e-mail was for universities and scientists, and cell phones were the stuff of science fiction so, to facilitate contact, I carried around a pager. It was a simple concept, and common too, that someone would dial a phone number, enter their own phone number, and this tiny device hanging from my belt would somehow get my attention.

Times have changed, of course, and now people stare in amazement at the once-ubiquitous technological wonder of yesteryear. But my clients were still comfortable with it, and it did the job. That is, until recently.

I now find that this once-indispensable device is reliable about 10% of the time, and I have been directing everyone to my main office number instead. The time has come to finally pull the plug.

As of now, my pager number (917/491-5546) will no longer be active. To reach me, please call the main number (212/201-1465) and leave a message, or drop me an e-mail, IM or fax (914/242-7294).

Ed Covelli will be taking a rare vacation starting next week. I understand that he will be going to an undisclosed location where the secret government scientists that created him will rebuild him from scratch, replacing each part with modern updates that will make him better, stronger, faster and more realistic looking than ever. Or he’s going golfing, I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening.

What I do know is that he will be leaving on July 6 and returning to work on July 22. During that time, I will be available to assist you, and you can reach me in the usual ways, like calling the main number at 212/201-1465.

I will be taking a day off on Monday, June 8, and will be back to work on Tuesday. In case of emergency, please call the main office number (212/201-1465) or e-mail Ed Covelli directly.

It’s that time of year when I can leave my cares behind and go on a nice, long (well, nice, anyway) vacation. I will be departing tomorrow, March 7 and returning on March 17, 2009.

This time, we will be shrunk to the size of a peanut and inserted into the stomach of a deep-sea-bound dolphin. While on this magical journey, I will have no contact with the outside world (and would sound really tinny even if I did), but fear not! Ed Covelli is standing by, ready to ably deal with any and all issues. As always, he can be reached at 212/201-1465 or via e-mail at ecovelli at mactechnologies.com. (You will have to edit the e-mail address after you click on that link.)

However, kindly postpone all unnecessary emergencies until my return. I don’t want Eddie to have all the fun, and it will give me something to look forward to as I eagerly contemplate my return home.

I will be leaving for vacation on Wednesday, April 16 and returning to work on Monday, April 28. Where to this time, you ask? We have decided to explore the depths of live volcanoes, and since cell towers tend to, you know, melt in that environment, I will be once again out of touch with the civilized world. Fortunately, the more-than-able-bodied Ed Covelli stands ready to respond to your needs, and the best way to reach him is through e-mail.

I will be leaving for a long weekend this afternoon and will be unavailable until Tuesday morning. If you need assistance in the meantime, Ed Covelli will be standing by.

Thanks to the speedy actions of the folks at USA Mobility, my new pager is online as of 2 minutes ago. Feel free to once again use it to contact me.

Thanks for your patience.

Much to my surprise, I just discovered that my pager is not receiving pages, changing it from a useful communication device to a rather unattractive accessory for my pants.

Please leave a message at my main office number until further notice. If you have been trying to reach me this morning, please call the main number, send me an e-mail or IM me.

My apologies for any inconvenience.