I will be on vacation starting Saturday, May 12 and returning on Tuesday, May 29.

I’ll be traveling to Gotham City where I plan to fight crime at night while wearing a latex mask and inappropriate tights. As I am not particularly fond of heights and bruise easily, my contribution will probably be limited to driving around and yelling at kids to get off the lawn while trying to keep the cape I’m sitting on from strangling me, but at least I’ll be “doing something”. Or I’ll just stay in the cave and watch old movies while being served tea by a demented butler, I haven’t decided.

During my absence, Ed Covelli will be handling all emergencies and performing minor miracles. As he is particularly gifted, you can reach him by thinking really hard about gorgonzola cheese, or, if ethereal communication is outside your skill set, can e-mail or call him at 212/201-1465.

Ed Covelli will be away next week, starting tomorrow, April 16, and returning on Monday, April 25.

Eddie will be swimming from New York to Africa where he will hike to, then climb, Mount Kilimanjaro. At the peak he will build a small eatery called “Elmo’s” from materials he’ll bring along in a backpack, local materials, and snow. Once complete, and directly after the dessert course, he will retrace his climb, hike and swim back to New York, backwards this time so casual observers will think he’s doing it all again.

Having already climbed Mount Kilimanjaro several times myself, I will remain behind to assist in all matters great and mundane. You can reach me at the office number of 212/201-1465 or via e-mail.

Due to circumstances entirely within my control, I will be returning from my vacation on Wednesday, April 6, not Monday, April 4 as originally planned.

Believe me, I am as upset about this as you must be. I mean, who wants to spend extra days relaxing, dining and generally enjoying themselves when they could come back to work? Not me! I argued, I screamed, I cried and bargained, all to no avail. The problem, you see, is my wife who had the temerity to say “yes” when I first suggested extending our stay. Blame her for being so agreeable.

Until my eventual return, Ed Covelli stands by to assist and can still be reached by phone at 212/201-1465 or via e-mail here.

Due to a medical condition, I will be away starting the evening of Tuesday, March 22 and returning on Monday, April 4.

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We at MacTechnologies lost a friend over the weekend, so we will have limited availability tomorrow, especially in the afternoon, and will not be available at all on Wednesday. All messages and questions received on that day will be addressed at our earliest opportunity starting Thursday.

Thank you for your understanding.

I will be away on vacation starting today and returning on September 20. My wife and I will be traveling to the deserts of Arizona where we will be introduced the joys of cold-air ballooning. We will board the craft this afternoon, and then sit motionless and stationary for approximately two weeks as we get acquainted with the local flora, fauna, wildlife and sand. Our adventure will be capped off by a hearty “I told you so” to the guy who thought up cold-air ballooning in the first place.

As we swelter and dehydrate in the western sun, Ed Covelli stands ready to provide comfort and shade in my absence. He can be reached via e-mail, or at the main office number of 212/201-1465.

Ed Covelli will be leaving tomorrow to set out on a worldwide cruise aboard a boat of his own construct, made of tongue depressors, model glue and shellac, using novelty, oversized tablespoons for paddles and a slightly torn Greatest American Hero t-shirt as a sail. Because of the prevalent headwinds throughout the planned course, his journey is expected to take 3 years, but due to the miracle of stop-motion photography and his expected-to-be-rapidly-consumed stock of Red Bull and Turkish coffee, he will be back to work on the morning of Tuesday, July 6.

While Eddie is on the high-seas, I stand by to assist in whatever capacity I am able. You can reach me at the office number of 212/201-1465, send an e-mail, or an IM to “ktekinay”.

I will be away on vacation starting Saturday, September 5, and returning on Monday, September 14.

In the past, I’ve provided completely accurate, if somewhat vague, details of my vacation plans, but these are serious times that demand serious accounts, so here is our itinerary: We will be vanishing.

That’s right. On Saturday morning, my wife and I will disappear as if into thin air, returning to the state of nothingness that existed before time, and will reemerge a little more than a week later, rested, whole, and 15 years younger. We won’t have any photographs to share, having ceased to exist, but expect that you will retain some recollection that we once graced your lives, much like a faraway dream you once had. (Disclaimer: Reversal of aging is not guaranteed, but you are welcome to flatter us.)

One guy that will keep on keeping on for the duration is Ed Covelli who will stand by in his mostly corporeal state to assist you if the need should arise. As always, he can be reached via e-mail or at 212/201-1465.

When I first started MacTechnologies, there were limited options for staying in touch. Back in the day, e-mail was for universities and scientists, and cell phones were the stuff of science fiction so, to facilitate contact, I carried around a pager. It was a simple concept, and common too, that someone would dial a phone number, enter their own phone number, and this tiny device hanging from my belt would somehow get my attention.

Times have changed, of course, and now people stare in amazement at the once-ubiquitous technological wonder of yesteryear. But my clients were still comfortable with it, and it did the job. That is, until recently.

I now find that this once-indispensable device is reliable about 10% of the time, and I have been directing everyone to my main office number instead. The time has come to finally pull the plug.

As of now, my pager number (917/491-5546) will no longer be active. To reach me, please call the main number (212/201-1465) and leave a message, or drop me an e-mail, IM or fax (914/242-7294).

Ed Covelli will be taking a rare vacation starting next week. I understand that he will be going to an undisclosed location where the secret government scientists that created him will rebuild him from scratch, replacing each part with modern updates that will make him better, stronger, faster and more realistic looking than ever. Or he’s going golfing, I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening.

What I do know is that he will be leaving on July 6 and returning to work on July 22. During that time, I will be available to assist you, and you can reach me in the usual ways, like calling the main number at 212/201-1465.